Bukavu……..Joy and Frustration

Thursday 16th April

So this is the second full day here- we have just driven to Panzi hospital…..across the incredible potholed and mud laden roads. Rarely can we go faster than 5 mph. as we pick our way through enormous mud puddles and all the people who are managed to make their way through mountains of mud. It is incongruous to see the men in there nice trousers and shirts and ties their feet clogged with mud. Holding onto each other so as not to slip. And the women carrying huge loads on their heads and with bare feet buried in the earth. When it rains her everything turns to slip and slide. It becomes a disaster zone- where the roads start to disappear back into the land.


This morning I am meant to give training to the social workers and the psychologists- and having arrived here at 8.30 I have just found out that I have been double booked! I am remembering that this is a worn torn country and also one where I am constantly being told about the level of mistrust- Although the war is sporadic at this point- the effects of the constant destruction is very real- on every level. I feel frustrated about the training time being changed- Silvia reminds me to breath- something that is a large part of the trainings that I am giving!! I am grateful for her support- for having such a strong ally in navigating this very confusing at times crazy making world. We are together learning how best to start to build some trust with the people that we are meeting.

I have just talked to an OBGYN doctor from the USA and her statement was “oh yes it is the hurry up and wait syndrome”. I am learning about how to build trust here. The world of development aid is rife with complexities-not least of which is attempting to work within a culture that is at war and has been the subject of terrible brutal imperialism- I can’t help feeling the whiteness of my skin, and my British heritage in this moment. Breathe Breathe Breathe- isn’t that what I am here to teach and of course be spontaneous, and flexible and able to adapt….wow isn’t that exactly what I am attempting to teach – so here is the chance to practice what I teach.
At this moment as I write this I am sitting in the office of the Secretariat in Panzi and a wonderful smiling man comes in and is gracious and polite to me- he greets me in French and I attempt my poor French and apologize for the limitation in it. He smiles and kindly assures me that I have enough to get by! I am in this moment redeemed. I am reminded of being in India- I remember when I would find myself so completely frustrated and feeling like nothing could work- I would have some amazing interaction that would change my mind- it is all in the way you see it – as viewed so appears right?

So the days unfolds- One of the directors seeing us waiting in the Secretary office assumes that we must be waiting for Dr. Mukwege- and announces to us that he has arrived- Silvia strongly suggests that w meet with him to see if we can expedite the training ….a few minutes later we are talking with him and within the next 30 mins we are starting our training. Suddenly we have access! I am concerned that our psychologist friend will feel that we went over his head- I check with our translator and she says he clarified with him that Dr.Mukwege had asked us how it was going…..

We are in a small room, with two tables and a bench. Outside the door are at least 100 women who are waiting for the nurses to come back out of the training- I am aware that I am taking more of their precious times away from the patients- I want to make this training as useful as possible- I am a little caught- Joseph the psychologist is hungry for theory- to understand methodologies- my sense is that the social assistants probably need practical skills…..I start to talk about drama therapy and trauma and I see the women switch off- there is no access- I glance over at Silvia and I am feeling like I am drowning- in slow motion…
I make a strong decision I know am pretty sure if I can get them into action then I can start to connect- We stand up- and as I have done so many times before I start just like I would any dram therapy group- in the circle- and the changes in these women was so amazing- even the two psychologist suddenly come to life- we are playing with sounds, movement, with singing- they are hugely playful- I am once again loving my work- remembering the power of the play to connect – and the value of the drama and movement and song- Pretty soon I feel the camaraderie that is putting us all at ease. Then Joseph asks us to go and do the last 20mins with the women outside! So in the true spirit of spontaneity and adaptability we go! This is the picture- there is a large square of grass- on all four corners there are women patients- there are at least 100 of us. I start to laugh and I am looking at Silvia we can hardly believe this scene- it is exactly what I had envisioned ….

The next 20nminutes we are playing together sound and movement, call and response, all kinds of ways of connecting such a large group- and of course the women are joining in because they are being told to- and I can also see the slow transformation. I can see Silvia flitting around the flip video camera in one and the stills camera in the other… a new career? Cinematographer perhaps!?? .

Next to me is young Mama- she has her head looking down, her body is tight and her movements are constricted. She is not really breathing- I start a slow figure of 8 movement and initiate this with the whole group we are all swaying together- reeds in the wind. I then ask her through the translator to change this movement a little- she is at first no able to do so and then very slowly she finds her own movement- she begin to make the figure of 8 a little bigger…..100 other women do the same- as she sees this she begins the merest hint of a smile……I know in this moment something has shifted. This is the work that I love so much- to engage with someone at the smallest level and find the possibility of transformation--- even just for one moment this woman sees she is not alone…..

This 20 minutes of connection with the women- was a huge learning- at the end- we are greeted by the staff – with hugs and laughter- they are asking when we will come back- and that they need this…..Joseph suggests that we find a way to help the staff have this kind of group happen each day before the patients have their lunch together. We will return next week for three days to hopefully help train the staff to do this…. Tomorrow we start the Arts and Trauma Training with the ASO group-so more to come for sure!!

Tonight we are both exhausted – but also really feel good about having actually having managed to implement part of the program that we came here to do !!!

Elayne